n for nana

lick my pussy and kiss me arse _|_

2009-08-14T03:48:00.000-07:00

i dont need pities , i dont need sympathies . i want to sleep and never wake up again . i hate blogging on this but theres no one i can turn to . in jesus name i pray AMEN , save me will you , at least out of this misery ? omg . lunch was fantastic , best one i ever had (: why will people ven think im wanting to go against them when im myself all these while , maybe some just dont know me that well i guess ? lols . im laughing and yes im laughing hard , at my fucking self NOW . i made a fool outta myself (: lalala , so wonderful . i didnt even have the courage to say why and what made me fall so deep . can i just fuck off and not come back . jon you wanna take me along , i'll pay you rent and cook dinner (: whats the point , i cant even spell out how much i want you by my side now . she makes you smile , she pleases you , she makes you happy and all i did was maybe to make you stressed up and make you hate me in a while time . it was suppose to be a lunch , a nice one i mean . forget about the movie , i didnt watch it infact , i was smsing . fuck you tryphena , fuck you ! hate the one inside you . im not suppose to cry , but i am . how ? continue lo . how i wish there are people pitying me right now , its hard to do this on my own but here i am . crying and nobody is suppose to see me like that , im not suppose to be like that ): whats love , i dont know . whats like , i dont know either . i cant spell it properly either . lvoe or leik ? __ i dont bother . but i promiss , i will be fine after this i guess , at least on the outside i will be ):

i thought ...

2009-08-13T04:01:00.000-07:00

getting to know you was planed by god i guess , and not able to have you was part of his plan to . it doesnt matter weather to have you or not . at least i have the best memories with you . you might just be the best chapter of my life . i thought that i was able to put you aside in my mind , but i couldnt . i thought i was able to live without you , but i couldnt . i thought i was able to have to just as a friend , but i couldnt . i thought thought thought , but i still couldnt couldnt couldnt . why things would turn out like that . will leaving make me feel better ? im tired . i really am . its like a secret , i cant turn to anyone . i only make you feel stressed up with me by your side maybe .

i want things to turn out well too

2009-07-12T20:00:00.000-07:00

i miss those days , felt skinner ):

hello , long time no see hor , im still fat ):

anyway , overdued pictures ...

sorry nic , its like we've been drifting , so far apart till we both used to have endless topics and now , we're left with nothing sweetheart ): it doesnt matter , we'll be like how we used to ok (: like we've been saying isnt it , maybe its due to the seperation of different pubs (: its so tiring without you , i gotta do everything on my own , is like i dont know . work has been diff , since the day you werent around .

anyway , i broke down SUPER badly at bardot 2 days back again . and the main cause of it , that fucking slut that slapped my wife . thats to her or i wont get so upset and started to be so emotional and ended up drinking TOO much and i wont break down again right ? shit __

i said that i'll let go of him and i did (: i wasnt thinking of him anymore . i guess it helps , and greatest help of all , nic (: love her , and of cos weiling :D

to you , just give me sometime . its not that i dont trust you , its not that i dont see the efforts you put in to make me happy and to make my day . its gonna be hard for me to overcome this phobia in me like youve said just now . it has got nothing to do with anybody . its just me , ive lost trust in guys , two that i used to love wholeheartedly , hurt me till i wasnt able to stand up anymore . i gave up and i almost did when benson gave me a good scolding . until i met you , seeing the time and effort that youve put in to make me trust you . i can tell that youre someone that'll treat me well . i dont dare to make you trust me and there are really still too much things that you have yet to know about me . i dont want to see you hurt in the future . sorry seems to be the hardest word but ive said it countless times and it may not seem anything to you but to me i really does . each letters that makes up the word worry are the countless numbers of guilts i have for you . i dont know how long i might need to overcome myself , i dont want to hurt you as well . i dont know either . im sorry .

im starting to forget .

2009-07-02T17:03:00.000-07:00

im feeling upset and im brooding over it again . it saddens me to know that i have to erase the prints that you left in my life but at the same time , knowing that its time i have to let everything go , including you . twice , being hurt by you . i think its time for me to carry on with life . especially when i only listen to songs that explains about me , its saddening . and at the end of the day , im upset still or maybe it even worst , ridiculous isnt it ? but its what that is happening to me ): nothing can make me feel better at all , nothing , no one can make me feel better either . nic is right , everyone is right , leopard never changes it spot ( gou gai bu liao chi shi ) . but i choose to believe and trust you . maybe you know it too well that i only need words of affirmation to fall in love . its a bad thing about me if you know me too well . i fall in love to easily , just because of some words . but you hurt me once and now again . i couldnt believe that you really did it . you didnt want me to give up on you and at the same time , neither did you want to bother at all , neither did you put in any efforts to show me that you really want to change , i trusted you once but what will i get on the second time . what else do you expect me to do . really settle myself down now and make babies for you where i know that my future is just gonna go down into the drains and out to the seas just like that . its hurts me badly to see people around me getting upset because of me . i feel bad and guilty for the way they're feeling . love of my life , from stangers till today , we're going seperate ways . i remember the first time we starting talking . it was really funny . you really texted me when you said you would on msn . shouted at me at riverside because i didnt want to talk . then it was my turn (: you were having sore eye back then , remember ? then there was once i was lying in your arms where we talked about having babies , you wanted a girl , and you were saying how we could dress her , the cute little dresses , the clips and hairstyle we could do for her . the time when menses came , we were both disappointed . maybe it was heaven's fate that it came , i wouldnt dare to imagine what had became for us then . you know i loved you , badly for once , and i never want to let it go . i never want to forget about you , it saddens me alot you know ? the things you do , makes me hate you . bcause of the hatred , i wanna forget you . ive made up my mind but at the same time , i cant bare to erase everything of you . nic says , im like caught up in the middle , not knowing whats best . i hope the sadness leaves quickly , i dont want it clinging on to me for long . tiring though , but somehow i dont wish it would disappear so soon . i'll miss you , badly if the memories are gone .

all i can say is , its really time to let go but deep down in my heart , i still love you , that i wont deny .

2009-06-18T12:06:00.000-07:00

very tired luhs ):

gabriel's 22nd (:

2009-06-15T15:34:00.001-07:00

OH YA , one more thing (:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GAMCHENG :DD

PS , I LOVE YOU (:

2009-06-15T15:25:00.000-07:00

sometimes , ignorance is really a bliss that most people dont understand . im tired of all these , i really am .

first thing first , ive quit my job (:
secondly , im super free so call me out anytime (: (i miss playing mahjong )

2009-05-14T21:04:00.000-07:00

sometimes , its not that i dont want to bother or am i trying to run away but then at least i know myself well enough , more than enough to understand . i dont find myself happy at all with this feeling in me , i dont feel blissful at all ): no , everything isnt what i wanted . you know it well and you know where i stand and where im coming from . i dont like the feeling . sometimes maybe ignorance is bliss and yes i agree . im tired , i really am ): at times , maybe i think that giving up will be good for all of us .

2009-05-12T20:35:00.000-07:00

我的快乐会回来的

sometimes id rather be on my own than to have a shoulder for me to lean on .
sometimes things arent as easy as you think it is .
sometimes if i could turn time back to how things used to be , i guess things would be better .

time's passing very slowly as im up since 930 i think . wl is still bed .
i was just as relieved when she was back this morning from thailand . seeing her is just like the perfect remedy to anything for me . she never fails to be there , never fails cheer me up , never fails to share her everything with me first . she like a soul mate , the best ive ever knew . at times , things at home regarding me puts her in a very difficult position i know , i feel bad about it too but she never leaves me . she trusts me and i'll never let her down . i'll fight for my rights till the end i promiss . sometimes i just think that i'd rather stick with her than having a partner for myself , cos i know she'll be the best partner still (:

daddy is back in town , everything is still doing well , so far so good . he got me the perfume i wanted and my ysl foundation :D and thanks daddy gf for the coach bag :D though white and small , i like \m/

things arent going well for b and me . my moodswings and his thinkings . things just wont go right , the things he said , the way he made me feel . ive always wanted someone that stays arnd and not leave at any circumstances , someone that is willing to give in the me in all ways . but then i realise its not what i really wanted from the start . i felt so ... i dont know how i can use words to explain that feeling im feeling right now at this very moment . im happy that he's like that and finally ive found the one i wished for all these while . but somehow , the feeling isnt right , maybe its the time that we knew each other was still too short and we dont understand each other that well yet . i feel bad and terrible for treating his this way because its seriously not what i want from day one . i doubt my feelings for him myself . lying down looking at the ceiling , reminicing the times we spent together on our off day once a week , its sweet i admit , i was happy and i wished it would last for a little longer each time we're otw home . but i know it very well in my heart that each time i reach home i wont have the feeling of cravings of his text and msges . the same feeling i used to had 6 mths ago is back . im really very scared , afraid and dont wish to know what he has to say about this . he means something to me and he never fails to be there . though the time we spent is very very little , like only once a week and its only that one day we'll be able to meet up . hun , i know we're very upset about this but i just hope that we'll be able to go through this together uhs . hush hun , we'll go through this , im sure we will .

shut up laa .

2009-05-12T02:35:00.000-07:00

i dont like everything around me now , bad bad bad . everything is bad alr . things change people change too ! wtf ): i wont let you have her , jolly well happy waiting then ! anything you wanna do you can go ahead , sue me or whatever , i no money i will also go borrow just to fight all the way with you . seriously speaking , we both know very well that you is want money and not the dog . you dont even have money now alr , you think you will want the dog ? LJ , dont alibaba ok . your dog lost , youre not even bothered to look for it , convince me that you'll be able to look after baby . __ off cos baby is mine ):

blogging with daddy's laptop now , weiling's coming back tonight . hms , im tired . come back soon and i need a break ): shit .

i dont deserve this shit .

2009-04-17T08:22:00.000-07:00

sick and tired of all these f shit nonsence , tolarance of mine is alr dead . maybe it means nothing to you , i didnt do anything anything , i dont deserve all these crap that has happen . i hate myself , im becoming someone i dont know .

2009-04-16T08:54:00.000-07:00

im tired , really am .

changed .

2009-04-02T23:21:00.000-07:00

things arent the same anymore , everything is just so diff . things changes , people change too . and you are no longer the one i knew alr . you dont seem to bother about whats going on , i feel so ... whatever , im not bothered to say either . if no one bothers , neither do i -.-

mj's celebrating bday for this week , the pubs' too small so seperate days for customers to come . dong abit for her last night and i puked due to the alot beer that was in my tummy ): shit _|_ LOLS ! when i left , i knew she was high but she say she not drunk , lols . schedule for next week is out , i gotta work extra hard to clear my debts ):

okok , blog agn soon , very lazy (:

the river flows in you

2009-04-01T00:20:00.000-07:00

i just woke up , from a bad dream but i dont remember what __ cant sleep anymore , my story seem to just get worst when te day passes , idontknow either . working at 730 , and im still on the bed doing nothing when im suppose to be home , the fatty at home is killing me too ):

miss independant

2009-03-31T20:52:00.000-07:00

bored , home alone at B's place , he's out with his mum , to report . while im home rotting while waiting for my hugs to come back (: i know nothings gonna happen but still IM worried ): somehtings wrong with my lappy already i think , wasnt able to come to blogger's site neither could i watch movie online just now . so continued reading the book i borrowed from albert :D nice book , yakuza moon , finally i got to read it :D sibeh power i swear !! 5/5 i'll rate :D ive never wanted to continue reading a book when ive done 3 pages but this book , im already on the 115th page (:

nth happened ytd thought , went home around 8 plus then watched bride wars at home , prepared and left the house with ken and baby , went to marina to collect things with ken then he sent me down to costa sands . met B there then went over to the chalet with him , felt so left out , none of the faces i knew . was on the book the whole night till bobby and wife came , laughed at bobby doing crazy stuns like setting the pit on fire and got all 15 hotdogs burnt :D lols !

B was busy the whole entire night entertaining everyone except me ): im sad , told me about his exgf . she pretty when i saw her :D at least she's prettier than me , felt worst , walked out with them to catch a cab home . on the journey home , didnt talk to B at all , something just didnt felt right ):

for a moment i felt as if B has somethings that he wants to say but i dont know either , he's been diff these days ): so distant alr ):

2009-03-30T02:25:00.000-07:00

amk these few days , i havent gone home yet && i missed baby ): thought i hate her for biting me always . went home yesterday to change , saw her when i went up the stairs outside my room door , sibeh cute leyy , she tried reaching for me but she couldnt .

schedule for the week , monday wednesday , thursday , friday , saturday and lastly sunday (:

yes , im only off on tuesday cos B's going for chalet so ahgirl put me off on tuesday (: lols , will be starting full time soon , opening doors agns .

ok , im hungry , i dont wanna blog alr , maybe i will , after i eat (: LOVEYOU

2009-03-26T03:05:00.000-07:00

everything is not right , nth is right . im wrong , so wrong , i dont know either , i dont know what happen -.- everything just came tumbling down like that . i didnt do you wrong but it sounded as if it was me but in the first place i didnt know anything . one again , i felt like a idiot , not only infront of you but just everyone . everything seems as though its repeating just that its a different person . i hate this kinda feeling , it sucks . ' im giving you a chance to tell me what happen again ' , ' no its not your fault ' , ' i dont want you to bluff me ' , ' dont cry , everythings gonna be alright ' EVERYTHING is repeating in my mind , i cannot calm down , its making me worst . one after another , its messing my mind up . first its the previous him then came my friend and now you , but theres also another girl . i dont know i really dont , I DONT UNDERSTAND , im not me anymore ):

at times , i think . is it wrong to treat someone too good , or is it wrong to fall for that someone that treats you good . whats right and whats wrong , i really dont know . feelings for you that makes me want to get close to you , feelings for you that made me feels as if we knew each other for so long that one day when get old , i'll want to reminise the past with you . but everything just isnt going the right way i wanted , everything just isnt correct at all .

theres just too much more to say , i dont wish to say it anymore .

ive fallen , and i'll stand , i promiss .

2009-03-22T08:31:00.000-07:00

its been pretty long since ive last blogged . didnt have the mood to do it either i guess , many things happened . previous posts have all been deleted too . unhappy past , shit reputation , today onwards will be a new me . YOU will GET OUT OF MY LIFE ! thanks for all that youve done that made me this state . you will never be the one i will wake up and think of anymore , not the one that will make me tear anymore . your lies , you acts , your honeyed words , i feel so disgusted by you , now that youre out of my life , we'll remain as it is , from now till the end of time , i will not regret my decision for giving up , i will not turn back to reminise of our past , your memory will be deleted , OUT OF MY MIND :D

yes yes , ive been cheated agns ): one after another , my retribution i guess , i used to be the bad one ok (: at least i was once the bad one !! HAHA :x im bored , waiting for my time to go out , phone phone , please ring :( im cold , controller is far , baby's cuddling beside me , how sweet . growing up day by day , she's getting bad yo ! but i still love :D haha . ok , i cant wait anymore , i shall go out first :D alios ! update some other time :D

2009-02-20T15:38:00.000-08:00

happy birthday to myself :D

the memories...

2008-10-28T00:56:00.000-07:00

random picks, not in order.

if only i was like last time, as slim as before(:

LOLS! i admit, im fat. fatter than how i used to be alr. alah, slowly lo -.-

love daddy, he bought me my bag alr(:

love mummy cos i know no matter what, she's still there like she used to be.

love many many people laa(:

looking back at before, im seriously totally different alr. totally changed. i dont know how much but at least i know im not like before. ever thought about how much you'll change when you mix with different people? maybe partly yes but some of the changes, only people around you see it and its the habits that you cant change. walking on the streets, coming pass people saying" wahlao, cb laaaaaa", "ok, then now what the fuck you want from me, not happy come down and talk lo. say place say time la. scared ahh?" LOLS, sounds super familiar to me, even if i dont say all of those i mentioned, my friends around me used to be like that. now..."eh, what time you working later uhs?", "shit laa, i gotta work in the morning tomorrow, cant go home too late anot i'll be late for work.", "ehs, lunch tomorrow then accompany me go buy my refrence book, i need study, exams coming." ok, examples given. see the difference? alot right, im taking two jobs currently. one as a waitress in a pub at night and admin in the day. sounds hardworking isn't it? not that i want to, is im too bored. tell me, would you rather stay at home and rot with no income, go out with your friends and spend money like nobody's business or work and rot in the office, and money coming in(: