lick my pussy and kiss me arse _|_

i dont need pities , i dont need sympathies . i want to sleep and never wake up again . i hate blogging on this but theres no one i can turn to . in jesus name i pray AMEN , save me will you , at least out of this misery ? omg . lunch was fantastic , best one i ever had (: why will people ven think im wanting to go against them when im myself all these while , maybe some just dont know me that well i guess ? lols . im laughing and yes im laughing hard , at my fucking self NOW . i made a fool outta myself (: lalala , so wonderful . i didnt even have the courage to say why and what made me fall so deep . can i just fuck off and not come back . jon you wanna take me along , i'll pay you rent and cook dinner (: whats the point , i cant even spell out how much i want you by my side now . she makes you smile , she pleases you , she makes you happy and all i did was maybe to make you stressed up and make you hate me in a while time . it was suppose to be a lunch , a nice one i mean . forget about the movie , i didnt watch it infact , i was smsing . fuck you tryphena , fuck you ! hate the one inside you . im not suppose to cry , but i am . how ? continue lo . how i wish there are people pitying me right now , its hard to do this on my own but here i am . crying and nobody is suppose to see me like that , im not suppose to be like that ): whats love , i dont know . whats like , i dont know either . i cant spell it properly either . lvoe or leik ? __ i dont bother . but i promiss , i will be fine after this i guess , at least on the outside i will be ):

i thought ...

getting to know you was planed by god i guess , and not able to have you was part of his plan to . it doesnt matter weather to have you or not . at least i have the best memories with you . you might just be the best chapter of my life . i thought that i was able to put you aside in my mind , but i couldnt . i thought i was able to live without you , but i couldnt . i thought i was able to have to just as a friend , but i couldnt . i thought thought thought , but i still couldnt couldnt couldnt . why things would turn out like that . will leaving make me feel better ? im tired . i really am . its like a secret , i cant turn to anyone . i only make you feel stressed up with me by your side maybe .

i want things to turn out well too

i miss those days , felt skinner ):

hello , long time no see hor , im still fat ):

anyway , overdued pictures ...























sorry nic , its like we've been drifting , so far apart till we both used to have endless topics and now , we're left with nothing sweetheart ): it doesnt matter , we'll be like how we used to ok (: like we've been saying isnt it , maybe its due to the seperation of different pubs (: its so tiring without you , i gotta do everything on my own , is like i dont know . work has been diff , since the day you werent around .

anyway , i broke down SUPER badly at bardot 2 days back again . and the main cause of it , that fucking slut that slapped my wife . thats to her or i wont get so upset and started to be so emotional and ended up drinking TOO much and i wont break down again right ? shit __

i said that i'll let go of him and i did (: i wasnt thinking of him anymore . i guess it helps , and greatest help of all , nic (: love her , and of cos weiling :D

to you , just give me sometime . its not that i dont trust you , its not that i dont see the efforts you put in to make me happy and to make my day . its gonna be hard for me to overcome this phobia in me like youve said just now . it has got nothing to do with anybody . its just me , ive lost trust in guys , two that i used to love wholeheartedly , hurt me till i wasnt able to stand up anymore . i gave up and i almost did when benson gave me a good scolding . until i met you , seeing the time and effort that youve put in to make me trust you . i can tell that youre someone that'll treat me well . i dont dare to make you trust me and there are really still too much things that you have yet to know about me . i dont want to see you hurt in the future . sorry seems to be the hardest word but ive said it countless times and it may not seem anything to you but to me i really does . each letters that makes up the word worry are the countless numbers of guilts i have for you . i dont know how long i might need to overcome myself , i dont want to hurt you as well . i dont know either . im sorry .

im starting to forget .

im feeling upset and im brooding over it again . it saddens me to know that i have to erase the prints that you left in my life but at the same time , knowing that its time i have to let everything go , including you . twice , being hurt by you . i think its time for me to carry on with life . especially when i only listen to songs that explains about me , its saddening . and at the end of the day , im upset still or maybe it even worst , ridiculous isnt it ? but its what that is happening to me ): nothing can make me feel better at all , nothing , no one can make me feel better either . nic is right , everyone is right , leopard never changes it spot ( gou gai bu liao chi shi ) . but i choose to believe and trust you . maybe you know it too well that i only need words of affirmation to fall in love . its a bad thing about me if you know me too well . i fall in love to easily , just because of some words . but you hurt me once and now again . i couldnt believe that you really did it . you didnt want me to give up on you and at the same time , neither did you want to bother at all , neither did you put in any efforts to show me that you really want to change , i trusted you once but what will i get on the second time . what else do you expect me to do . really settle myself down now and make babies for you where i know that my future is just gonna go down into the drains and out to the seas just like that . its hurts me badly to see people around me getting upset because of me . i feel bad and guilty for the way they're feeling . love of my life , from stangers till today , we're going seperate ways . i remember the first time we starting talking . it was really funny . you really texted me when you said you would on msn . shouted at me at riverside because i didnt want to talk . then it was my turn (: you were having sore eye back then , remember ? then there was once i was lying in your arms where we talked about having babies , you wanted a girl , and you were saying how we could dress her , the cute little dresses , the clips and hairstyle we could do for her . the time when menses came , we were both disappointed . maybe it was heaven's fate that it came , i wouldnt dare to imagine what had became for us then . you know i loved you , badly for once , and i never want to let it go . i never want to forget about you , it saddens me alot you know ? the things you do , makes me hate you . bcause of the hatred , i wanna forget you . ive made up my mind but at the same time , i cant bare to erase everything of you . nic says , im like caught up in the middle , not knowing whats best . i hope the sadness leaves quickly , i dont want it clinging on to me for long . tiring though , but somehow i dont wish it would disappear so soon . i'll miss you , badly if the memories are gone .

all i can say is , its really time to let go but deep down in my heart , i still love you , that i wont deny .

very tired luhs ):

gabriel's 22nd (:

OH YA , one more thing (:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GAMCHENG :DD

PS , I LOVE YOU (:

sometimes , ignorance is really a bliss that most people dont understand . im tired of all these , i really am .

first thing first , ive quit my job (:
secondly , im super free so call me out anytime (: (i miss playing mahjong )