im starting to forget .

im feeling upset and im brooding over it again . it saddens me to know that i have to erase the prints that you left in my life but at the same time , knowing that its time i have to let everything go , including you . twice , being hurt by you . i think its time for me to carry on with life . especially when i only listen to songs that explains about me , its saddening . and at the end of the day , im upset still or maybe it even worst , ridiculous isnt it ? but its what that is happening to me ): nothing can make me feel better at all , nothing , no one can make me feel better either . nic is right , everyone is right , leopard never changes it spot ( gou gai bu liao chi shi ) . but i choose to believe and trust you . maybe you know it too well that i only need words of affirmation to fall in love . its a bad thing about me if you know me too well . i fall in love to easily , just because of some words . but you hurt me once and now again . i couldnt believe that you really did it . you didnt want me to give up on you and at the same time , neither did you want to bother at all , neither did you put in any efforts to show me that you really want to change , i trusted you once but what will i get on the second time . what else do you expect me to do . really settle myself down now and make babies for you where i know that my future is just gonna go down into the drains and out to the seas just like that . its hurts me badly to see people around me getting upset because of me . i feel bad and guilty for the way they're feeling . love of my life , from stangers till today , we're going seperate ways . i remember the first time we starting talking . it was really funny . you really texted me when you said you would on msn . shouted at me at riverside because i didnt want to talk . then it was my turn (: you were having sore eye back then , remember ? then there was once i was lying in your arms where we talked about having babies , you wanted a girl , and you were saying how we could dress her , the cute little dresses , the clips and hairstyle we could do for her . the time when menses came , we were both disappointed . maybe it was heaven's fate that it came , i wouldnt dare to imagine what had became for us then . you know i loved you , badly for once , and i never want to let it go . i never want to forget about you , it saddens me alot you know ? the things you do , makes me hate you . bcause of the hatred , i wanna forget you . ive made up my mind but at the same time , i cant bare to erase everything of you . nic says , im like caught up in the middle , not knowing whats best . i hope the sadness leaves quickly , i dont want it clinging on to me for long . tiring though , but somehow i dont wish it would disappear so soon . i'll miss you , badly if the memories are gone .

all i can say is , its really time to let go but deep down in my heart , i still love you , that i wont deny .