lick my pussy and kiss me arse _|_

i dont need pities , i dont need sympathies . i want to sleep and never wake up again . i hate blogging on this but theres no one i can turn to . in jesus name i pray AMEN , save me will you , at least out of this misery ? omg . lunch was fantastic , best one i ever had (: why will people ven think im wanting to go against them when im myself all these while , maybe some just dont know me that well i guess ? lols . im laughing and yes im laughing hard , at my fucking self NOW . i made a fool outta myself (: lalala , so wonderful . i didnt even have the courage to say why and what made me fall so deep . can i just fuck off and not come back . jon you wanna take me along , i'll pay you rent and cook dinner (: whats the point , i cant even spell out how much i want you by my side now . she makes you smile , she pleases you , she makes you happy and all i did was maybe to make you stressed up and make you hate me in a while time . it was suppose to be a lunch , a nice one i mean . forget about the movie , i didnt watch it infact , i was smsing . fuck you tryphena , fuck you ! hate the one inside you . im not suppose to cry , but i am . how ? continue lo . how i wish there are people pitying me right now , its hard to do this on my own but here i am . crying and nobody is suppose to see me like that , im not suppose to be like that ): whats love , i dont know . whats like , i dont know either . i cant spell it properly either . lvoe or leik ? __ i dont bother . but i promiss , i will be fine after this i guess , at least on the outside i will be ):

i thought ...

getting to know you was planed by god i guess , and not able to have you was part of his plan to . it doesnt matter weather to have you or not . at least i have the best memories with you . you might just be the best chapter of my life . i thought that i was able to put you aside in my mind , but i couldnt . i thought i was able to live without you , but i couldnt . i thought i was able to have to just as a friend , but i couldnt . i thought thought thought , but i still couldnt couldnt couldnt . why things would turn out like that . will leaving make me feel better ? im tired . i really am . its like a secret , i cant turn to anyone . i only make you feel stressed up with me by your side maybe .

i want things to turn out well too

i miss those days , felt skinner ):

hello , long time no see hor , im still fat ):

anyway , overdued pictures ...























sorry nic , its like we've been drifting , so far apart till we both used to have endless topics and now , we're left with nothing sweetheart ): it doesnt matter , we'll be like how we used to ok (: like we've been saying isnt it , maybe its due to the seperation of different pubs (: its so tiring without you , i gotta do everything on my own , is like i dont know . work has been diff , since the day you werent around .

anyway , i broke down SUPER badly at bardot 2 days back again . and the main cause of it , that fucking slut that slapped my wife . thats to her or i wont get so upset and started to be so emotional and ended up drinking TOO much and i wont break down again right ? shit __

i said that i'll let go of him and i did (: i wasnt thinking of him anymore . i guess it helps , and greatest help of all , nic (: love her , and of cos weiling :D

to you , just give me sometime . its not that i dont trust you , its not that i dont see the efforts you put in to make me happy and to make my day . its gonna be hard for me to overcome this phobia in me like youve said just now . it has got nothing to do with anybody . its just me , ive lost trust in guys , two that i used to love wholeheartedly , hurt me till i wasnt able to stand up anymore . i gave up and i almost did when benson gave me a good scolding . until i met you , seeing the time and effort that youve put in to make me trust you . i can tell that youre someone that'll treat me well . i dont dare to make you trust me and there are really still too much things that you have yet to know about me . i dont want to see you hurt in the future . sorry seems to be the hardest word but ive said it countless times and it may not seem anything to you but to me i really does . each letters that makes up the word worry are the countless numbers of guilts i have for you . i dont know how long i might need to overcome myself , i dont want to hurt you as well . i dont know either . im sorry .

im starting to forget .

im feeling upset and im brooding over it again . it saddens me to know that i have to erase the prints that you left in my life but at the same time , knowing that its time i have to let everything go , including you . twice , being hurt by you . i think its time for me to carry on with life . especially when i only listen to songs that explains about me , its saddening . and at the end of the day , im upset still or maybe it even worst , ridiculous isnt it ? but its what that is happening to me ): nothing can make me feel better at all , nothing , no one can make me feel better either . nic is right , everyone is right , leopard never changes it spot ( gou gai bu liao chi shi ) . but i choose to believe and trust you . maybe you know it too well that i only need words of affirmation to fall in love . its a bad thing about me if you know me too well . i fall in love to easily , just because of some words . but you hurt me once and now again . i couldnt believe that you really did it . you didnt want me to give up on you and at the same time , neither did you want to bother at all , neither did you put in any efforts to show me that you really want to change , i trusted you once but what will i get on the second time . what else do you expect me to do . really settle myself down now and make babies for you where i know that my future is just gonna go down into the drains and out to the seas just like that . its hurts me badly to see people around me getting upset because of me . i feel bad and guilty for the way they're feeling . love of my life , from stangers till today , we're going seperate ways . i remember the first time we starting talking . it was really funny . you really texted me when you said you would on msn . shouted at me at riverside because i didnt want to talk . then it was my turn (: you were having sore eye back then , remember ? then there was once i was lying in your arms where we talked about having babies , you wanted a girl , and you were saying how we could dress her , the cute little dresses , the clips and hairstyle we could do for her . the time when menses came , we were both disappointed . maybe it was heaven's fate that it came , i wouldnt dare to imagine what had became for us then . you know i loved you , badly for once , and i never want to let it go . i never want to forget about you , it saddens me alot you know ? the things you do , makes me hate you . bcause of the hatred , i wanna forget you . ive made up my mind but at the same time , i cant bare to erase everything of you . nic says , im like caught up in the middle , not knowing whats best . i hope the sadness leaves quickly , i dont want it clinging on to me for long . tiring though , but somehow i dont wish it would disappear so soon . i'll miss you , badly if the memories are gone .

all i can say is , its really time to let go but deep down in my heart , i still love you , that i wont deny .

very tired luhs ):

gabriel's 22nd (:

OH YA , one more thing (:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GAMCHENG :DD

PS , I LOVE YOU (:

sometimes , ignorance is really a bliss that most people dont understand . im tired of all these , i really am .

first thing first , ive quit my job (:
secondly , im super free so call me out anytime (: (i miss playing mahjong )

sometimes , its not that i dont want to bother or am i trying to run away but then at least i know myself well enough , more than enough to understand . i dont find myself happy at all with this feeling in me , i dont feel blissful at all ): no , everything isnt what i wanted . you know it well and you know where i stand and where im coming from . i dont like the feeling . sometimes maybe ignorance is bliss and yes i agree . im tired , i really am ): at times , maybe i think that giving up will be good for all of us .

我的快乐会回来的

sometimes id rather be on my own than to have a shoulder for me to lean on .
sometimes things arent as easy as you think it is .
sometimes if i could turn time back to how things used to be , i guess things would be better .

time's passing very slowly as im up since 930 i think . wl is still bed .
i was just as relieved when she was back this morning from thailand . seeing her is just like the perfect remedy to anything for me . she never fails to be there , never fails cheer me up , never fails to share her everything with me first . she like a soul mate , the best ive ever knew . at times , things at home regarding me puts her in a very difficult position i know , i feel bad about it too but she never leaves me . she trusts me and i'll never let her down . i'll fight for my rights till the end i promiss . sometimes i just think that i'd rather stick with her than having a partner for myself , cos i know she'll be the best partner still (:

daddy is back in town , everything is still doing well , so far so good . he got me the perfume i wanted and my ysl foundation :D and thanks daddy gf for the coach bag :D though white and small , i like \m/

things arent going well for b and me . my moodswings and his thinkings . things just wont go right , the things he said , the way he made me feel . ive always wanted someone that stays arnd and not leave at any circumstances , someone that is willing to give in the me in all ways . but then i realise its not what i really wanted from the start . i felt so ... i dont know how i can use words to explain that feeling im feeling right now at this very moment . im happy that he's like that and finally ive found the one i wished for all these while . but somehow , the feeling isnt right , maybe its the time that we knew each other was still too short and we dont understand each other that well yet . i feel bad and terrible for treating his this way because its seriously not what i want from day one . i doubt my feelings for him myself . lying down looking at the ceiling , reminicing the times we spent together on our off day once a week , its sweet i admit , i was happy and i wished it would last for a little longer each time we're otw home . but i know it very well in my heart that each time i reach home i wont have the feeling of cravings of his text and msges . the same feeling i used to had 6 mths ago is back . im really very scared , afraid and dont wish to know what he has to say about this . he means something to me and he never fails to be there . though the time we spent is very very little , like only once a week and its only that one day we'll be able to meet up . hun , i know we're very upset about this but i just hope that we'll be able to go through this together uhs . hush hun , we'll go through this , im sure we will .

shut up laa .

i dont like everything around me now , bad bad bad . everything is bad alr . things change people change too ! wtf ): i wont let you have her , jolly well happy waiting then ! anything you wanna do you can go ahead , sue me or whatever , i no money i will also go borrow just to fight all the way with you . seriously speaking , we both know very well that you is want money and not the dog . you dont even have money now alr , you think you will want the dog ? LJ , dont alibaba ok . your dog lost , youre not even bothered to look for it , convince me that you'll be able to look after baby . __ off cos baby is mine ):

blogging with daddy's laptop now , weiling's coming back tonight . hms , im tired . come back soon and i need a break ): shit .

i dont deserve this shit .

sick and tired of all these f shit nonsence , tolarance of mine is alr dead . maybe it means nothing to you , i didnt do anything anything , i dont deserve all these crap that has happen . i hate myself , im becoming someone i dont know .

im tired , really am .

changed .

things arent the same anymore , everything is just so diff . things changes , people change too . and you are no longer the one i knew alr . you dont seem to bother about whats going on , i feel so ... whatever , im not bothered to say either . if no one bothers , neither do i -.-

mj's celebrating bday for this week , the pubs' too small so seperate days for customers to come . dong abit for her last night and i puked due to the alot beer that was in my tummy ): shit _|_ LOLS ! when i left , i knew she was high but she say she not drunk , lols . schedule for next week is out , i gotta work extra hard to clear my debts ):

okok , blog agn soon , very lazy (:

the river flows in you

i just woke up , from a bad dream but i dont remember what __ cant sleep anymore , my story seem to just get worst when te day passes , idontknow either . working at 730 , and im still on the bed doing nothing when im suppose to be home , the fatty at home is killing me too ):

miss independant

bored , home alone at B's place , he's out with his mum , to report . while im home rotting while waiting for my hugs to come back (: i know nothings gonna happen but still IM worried ): somehtings wrong with my lappy already i think , wasnt able to come to blogger's site neither could i watch movie online just now . so continued reading the book i borrowed from albert :D nice book , yakuza moon , finally i got to read it :D sibeh power i swear !! 5/5 i'll rate :D ive never wanted to continue reading a book when ive done 3 pages but this book , im already on the 115th page (:

nth happened ytd thought , went home around 8 plus then watched bride wars at home , prepared and left the house with ken and baby , went to marina to collect things with ken then he sent me down to costa sands . met B there then went over to the chalet with him , felt so left out , none of the faces i knew . was on the book the whole night till bobby and wife came , laughed at bobby doing crazy stuns like setting the pit on fire and got all 15 hotdogs burnt :D lols !

B was busy the whole entire night entertaining everyone except me ): im sad , told me about his exgf . she pretty when i saw her :D at least she's prettier than me , felt worst , walked out with them to catch a cab home . on the journey home , didnt talk to B at all , something just didnt felt right ):

for a moment i felt as if B has somethings that he wants to say but i dont know either , he's been diff these days ): so distant alr ):

amk these few days , i havent gone home yet && i missed baby ): thought i hate her for biting me always . went home yesterday to change , saw her when i went up the stairs outside my room door , sibeh cute leyy , she tried reaching for me but she couldnt . 

schedule for the week , monday wednesday , thursday , friday , saturday and lastly sunday (:

yes , im only off on tuesday cos B's going for chalet so ahgirl put me off on tuesday (: lols , will be starting full time soon  , opening doors agns .

ok , im hungry , i dont wanna blog alr , maybe i will  , after i eat (:  LOVEYOU

everything is not right , nth is right . im wrong , so wrong , i dont know either , i dont know what happen -.- everything just came tumbling down like that . i didnt do you wrong but it sounded as if it was me but in the first place i didnt know anything . one again , i felt like a idiot , not only infront of you but just everyone . everything seems as though its repeating just that its a different person . i hate this kinda feeling , it sucks . ' im giving you a chance to tell me what happen again ' , ' no its not your fault ' , ' i dont want you to bluff me ' , ' dont cry , everythings gonna be alright ' EVERYTHING is repeating in my mind , i cannot calm down , its making me worst . one after another , its messing my mind up . first its the previous him then came my friend and now you , but theres also another girl . i dont know i really dont , I DONT UNDERSTAND , im not me anymore ):

at times , i think . is it wrong to treat someone too good , or is it wrong to fall for that someone that treats you good . whats right and whats wrong , i really dont know . feelings for you that makes me want to get close to you , feelings for you that made me feels as if we knew each other for so long that one day when get old , i'll want to reminise the past with you . but everything just isnt going the right way i wanted , everything just isnt correct at all .

theres just too much more to say , i dont wish to say it anymore . 

ive fallen , and i'll stand , i promiss .

its been pretty long since ive last blogged . didnt have the mood to do it either i guess , many things happened . previous posts have all been deleted too . unhappy past , shit reputation , today onwards will be a new me . YOU will GET OUT OF MY LIFE ! thanks for all that youve done that made me this state . you will never be the one i will wake up and think of anymore , not the one that will make me tear anymore . your lies , you acts , your honeyed words , i feel so disgusted by you , now that youre out of my life , we'll remain as it is , from now till the end of time , i will not regret my decision for giving up , i will not turn back to reminise of our past , your memory will be deleted , OUT OF MY MIND :D

yes yes , ive been cheated agns ): one after another , my retribution i guess , i used to be the bad one ok (: at least i was once the bad one !! HAHA :x im bored , waiting for my time to go out , phone phone , please ring :( im cold , controller is far , baby's cuddling beside me , how sweet . growing up day by day , she's getting bad yo ! but i still love :D haha . ok , i cant wait anymore , i shall go out first :D alios ! update some other time :D

happy birthday to myself :D